Let's talk about Boundary Setting!

Your Host, Nicole O'Neil is a coach & retreat leader guiding you on a soul journey to re-wire old patterns and step into your most empowered self. Nicole focuses on mother (parent) wounds, anxiety, general trauma, boundary setting and creating healthy relationships.

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Guest Becca Speert is a life coach infusing astrology, tarot and spirituality to guide her clients to healthier relationship dynamics, boundaries and a deeper connection within.

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Basics from the episode:
 

1. Get Clear on your boundaries. 

Some examples of how boundaries are loose and need to be set: 

A family member doesn't respect your emotional and/or physical needs. Maybe they make jokes/make fun of you and you let it happen but it actually makes you feel really crappy. Maybe they encourage you to not feel or express emotion. Maybe they don't give you space you need when you signal or outright ask for it. 

A colleague gets you to do more work so they can do less or is always distracting you from doing your own work. 

A friend is always leaning on you, but never asks you how you are or listens when you need them to. 

You got the wrong food at a restaurant and need to send it back but maybe you keep it so as not to “make a fuss”. 

A loved ones always voices that they don't agree with your life choices, work choices or relationship choices. 

*There is also the other side of the pendulum where you may set TOO many boundaries, create walls and stay too rigid. This can be the result of the same root experiences.

2. Release attachment to the reaction and outcome. The other person/people MAY react out of their own trauma or false belief systems. They may turn it in on themselves. They may completely accept it. They may not want to give you what you want. NO matter their reaction or the outcome, anchor in to the wisdom that you need to share your truth and that you have a choice whether to allow your boundaries to be crossed. 

3. Be assertive but voice your boundaries from LOVE not frustration. Remember to always communicate from LOVE. Whether that is performing a ritual or doing some breath work before the conversation, prep yourself. You are speaking from your heart because boundary setting is a way to love yourself. 

USE statements like “I need” “ I want” and “I expect” so it is clear and 

“I want you to stop asking me when I’ll find a partner/husband/wife”

“I want you to not ask me about whether I’m having children”

“I need you to always call before just coming to my house”

“I need you to give me x amount of time when I get home to myself”

“I expect you to bring back this thing I lent you by this day”

Remember we need to respect other’s boundaries even if they are at od